Buffalo Gulten Buffalo! “A lesson in acceptance“
As I glanced over at the exit, I was planning on taking and the two rows of cars going seventy-five miles an hour between us, my heart sank to the bottom of the barrel. Disappointed, I immediately started making my way to get out on Buffalo road instead of Rainbow by crossing the two lanes as fast as possible. I knew the choice I made dead-ended before I could get to my destination, but I figured it was the next best option.
This wasn't the first time I missed my exit because I was preoccupied with my destructive inner dialogue. I struggled to process what I considered to be an unkind behavior of one of my loved ones.
In this instance, it involved a family member who seemed to have an unloving intention about another family member.
My opinion, of course, is not at all supported by any reality.
There is no big surprise that we all have different upbringing and views about all things that influence the way we think and act in the life of a human being.
In general, I am most definitely fortunate enough to claim that those loving souls who I am surrounded by are truly kind-hearted, caring, compassionate people who enriched my life beyond belief, and all at the same time, they are the very same ones who have been the source of my deepest sufferings.
Now before I go any farther with the story, I have to let you in on a secret, knock on wood, so far, strangers and casual encounters have never been able to tether my soul for more than a few minutes at a time, and for that, I consider myself to be a lucky individual.
Of course, you probably guessed that I get along with strangers perfectly fine is my version and not always brave enough to hear their side of the story.
At a fundamental level, we all understand that it is always the ones we deeply care about that have any sort of power to seep deep into our consciousness but going from feelings of hurt, blame, disappointment, anger, and sadness back to a neutral state of mind and remember, that the arrow is most certainly aimed at both directions. Yes, they may be the reason for our suffering, but believe me, we often the reason for theirs.
This particular incident had me crying for the last three days, and every time I thought about and analyzed it to death, I felt heartbroken, disappointed, and disheartened. No wonder I couldn't get any decent sleep with the same old broken record player in my head repeatedly.
During my struggle to surpass my overwhelming feelings of sadness, I was aware that I was embellishing my victim story.
Yes, of course, I was; how else do you think anything can live that long without the flow of the necessary blood supply to it.
While driving that day, I recalled all the things this person had done to me in the past as well as all the other things I suspected they may have done without my knowledge ( BAD IDEA, DON'T DO THAT !)
Knowing how my stinking thinking was my worst enemy wasn't helping me be rational and loving instead of a fault finder in raw moments like this.
My silliness continued its rampage even after I exited the interstate.
Why can't they be nice all the time, just like me
And by god, I would never do what they did to me.
The truth underneath my ramblings was, I know myself to be all those things at times, and at other times I am as careless about others and their feelings as anyone else.
So enough of this ranting; for now, let's get back to the story.
I was nearing the dead-end where I had to go left or right to wrap around and come back onto my beloved road.
Still pissed off, I heard myself saying out loud, "I can't believe this road doesn't go straight, now I have to go around it?
Clear I was having a hard time accepting the concrete reality, and knowing no amount of wishing, hoping, crying, cursing, and or praying was going to change anything from the way they were to what I wanted them to be.
In that very instant of seeing the wall, I started laughing.
Unless they were going to blow up this neighborhood in my honor and put a road for my convenience, or I was going to grow wings in an instant to fly over everything on my path, it's just the way it was. I had no choice but to go around it.
Resistance out of the way, the acceptance had finally entered the stage.
As we all know, ACCEPTING reality the way it is without a need to change any part of it has MIRACLES written all over it.
As I was driving to go around, my inner wall started to crumble.
I felt my body relaxing and letting go of the tension which had been holding onto for days.
My having a hard time with another human being was nothing new for me, just as right now it's laughable to think and act a certain way is one thing but expect the rest of the universe the behave the same way we do is insanity itself however remembering not to make a shelter under self-created dark clouds for any length of time is where I have a problem with.
After the dust was saddled, it's easy to see how my wanting things to be different, and resistance to excepting what's in front of me is the cause of most of my sufferings, never the people or the things in my life.
How do I forget each individual has a unique way of looking at life. So for that reason alone, I work on my emotional literacy each day. Maybe one day, I will even enter a sacred space where I will honor the people in my life where they are in their emotional scale and not have a personal need to change my darlings into my version of who they need to be for me to be happy. Since I am not willing to leave them and move to an isolated island, I thought perhaps every time I have a problem with anyone or anything, I could silently repeat Buffalo Gulten Buffalo!!!
Bubbling with excitement, I shouted out loud.
"Buffalo Gulten Buffalo"